As I read an article about Who's the boss, a study on whether parents are the bosses or if they have abdicated that role to their children to keep the peace. I was very grateful that in my family growing up, there was never any question that our parents were the bosses together. We got into more trouble when we would ask one parent who said no, and then went to ask the other parent to see if we could get a yes answer. My parents instilled in us that they were a team and what one says, the other will support them. Being the 6th of 9, I wondered if some of my older siblings tested this a lot because by the time I came around, it was just an accepted rule.
In my own home, it was the same. If I disagreed with a decision made by my husband, I supported his decision until we could talk about it privately. My husband was the protector of the respect my kids needed to show to me. When they were sassy which all kids are known to be, he showed his "power" by making them apologize to me and telling not to talk to their mother that way. They weren't afraid of him, they just had a healthy respect for his authority (and size). At the same time, he could only do that if he showed me that same kind of respect that he expected them to show me. I love him for that and I see my sons treating their wives the same way. They knew we were a team and stuck together.
While the relationship between my husband and I, and our kids had the proper balance, as I read the article about power between partners, I realized that there were some things that may have been a little out of balance. IT didn't seem to be a problem, we each had our stewardship and it seemed to work in creating a harmonious home but, I couldn't help see that there were some areas where we could have improved and I believe that holding family councils in the way outlined in Counseling with our councils would have helped.
I learned about this topic in a class last semester and one of the things that struck me about counseling with our spouses is that when we as a couple seek the spirit of the Lord and to know what his will is for our family, it makes following that decision through to the end a lot easier. I wonder how much less debt families would be in if they made counseling with each other and the Lord when making large purchases a part of the decision. A friend of mine was pregnant with her third child. They had a small car where three car seats would not fit in the back seat without great difficulty. She was feeling very overwhelmed with the prospect of the struggle to take her family anywhere. When she and her husband made it a matter of prayer, they were able to find a suburban for the price they could afford and it lasted them through another child and for about 8 more years.
The Lord is concerned with the affairs of our lives and things that cause us distress especially when we are trying to keep the commandments and manage our families according to the recommendations of the church. When we council with each other and include the Lord, solutions that are better than the ones we could come up with alone will be found. I have seen this in my life and in the lives of others who try to follow this path. It isn't easy, sometimes our pride (okay, most of the time) needs to be checked. We will be asked to act in faith and get out of our comfort zone and we will have to learn to trust each other and the Lord. These are all difficult things to do for the natural man; but, isn't that our purpose here on earth, suppress the natural man and to know and do the will of the Lord? When our families have the right balance of respect, stewardship, trust and seeking to know the Lord's will, we can thrive.
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