Only what is truly important...

“Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.” Steve Jobs

I come to this quote from a different perspective, I am the widow who is left to ponder on the life my husband had led or rather the life that I helped him to lead.  Now that he is gone, I am left to ponder on the little things that I did or said both good and bad that had an impact on our relationship.  Happily for me, there was much more good than bad.  With his passing, I have had the opportunity to look at my motivations and yes, pride within my relationships.  What is it that I gain from holding onto my pride?  I can have some righteous indignation that I am correct.  At least correct in my own mind and perspective. I can have people think that I am stubborn and opinionated.  I can alienate people who I think have wronged me.  I can hold grudges, pit people against each other, and withhold my love because I am right.  Or, I can be humble and forgiving and have loving and happy relationships.  Being humble and forgiving doesn’t mean that I need to allow people to take advantage of me, but it allows relationships to grow in such a way that when we are feeling put upon, we can tell those who are hurting us that they are hurting us.  Rather than holding onto our anger and pride, we can let it go and restore contentment. 

About a year before my husband died, he and his brother went to Texas to look at property in an area that we eventually wanted to move when we retired in 15 or 20 years.  During that trip, they found two pieces of property that were perfect for what we were looking for and right next to each other.  Without telling me, he put a low ball offer on one of the properties not thinking it would be accepted., while his brother did the same on the other piece.   I found out that he had made an offer and that his offer was accepted through an email from the realtor.   I felt very put upon that my opinion didn’t really matter if he would make such an important decision for our family without consulting me or telling me.  My pride was really hurt and I was going to show him how very upset I was.  I held this over his head for months as we made preparations to move.  When we discussed this, he did everything that I asked him to do to make it as easy for me to move as he could.  If I am being totally honest, he didn’t really think through his decision but I also wasn’t allowing him to forget that he had made a huge blunder.  I made his life really miserable every time we came up against some obstacle to this plan and I felt justified.  It took some personal impressions from God to soften my heart.  The Lord, knowing I wasn’t ready to be happy about the move, allowed me to just be positive and supportive about moving.  We finally moved and to my surprise, I absolutely loved Texas.  I had made my husband’s life really difficult for several months as I held onto my pride.  What did it get me?  Contention and animosity in the most important relationship in my life.  What a waste of time and loving memories we could have been making during those months.  Had I known he would be gone within the year, I would have done things differently unfortunately, we seldom know when a loved one will be gone. 

CS Lewis, in Mere Christianity said, “Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone.”  I had been having a competition with my husband making him pay for his decision rather than having our relationship be complementary.  Once I let the competition between us go, the wedges that had been put in place through those several months fell away and our new home became a great adventure for both of us for the nine months he had left to live.  Don’t waste your time holding onto pride that can hurt the most important relationships in your life.